


Nothing So Gentle

by matan4il



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Action, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Evan "Buck" Buckley, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, School Shootings, U.S. Navy SEAL Evan "Buck" Buckley, some action-typical violence but nothing too graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:28:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29266524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matan4il/pseuds/matan4il
Summary: "Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength." - St. Francis de SalesPrompt fill, I was asked for angst.Evan Buckley has been prepared to die since the moment he volunteered for the Navy SEALs.It wasn't even that big of a deal at the time.Or a fic about that time when a school shooting made Buck realize he's no longer the guy who had nothing to lose. Maybe a moment too late...
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 71
Kudos: 408





	Nothing So Gentle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mitta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitta/gifts).



> Thank you for the prompt, hon. I really hope you enjoy this bit of angst and the way I resolved it...
> 
> Huge thank you to the amazing [Toughpaperround](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToughPaperRound/pseuds/ToughPaperRound) and [Lana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DLanaDHZ/pseuds/DLanaDHZ) for the beta. To say the least! xoxoxox

Evan Buckley has been prepared to die since the moment he volunteered for the Navy SEALs.

It wasn't even that big of a deal at the time. He didn't have anyone in his life. There was no one who would miss him. Maybe his family would be sad for a while, but he wasn't a part of their daily life anyway. After they had shed some tears, it would be easy for them to move on, pretending he was still somewhere away in California and that's why his table seat is always empty during the holidays.

Buck, however, wasn't as prepared to die anymore. He started accumulating little things along his path to whatever glorious death Evan was intent on. The first thing was his job, which he was so proud of and came to honestly love. He was kicking ass as a firefighter while making a real difference out there in the world, for the better, so that other little Evans they came across on their calls wouldn't be so willing to die. 

Next came a slightly increased sense of self worth. Because in Bobby who was like a father, in Hen and Chim who were like siblings, he had a makeshift family who loved him and wanted him at the 118. No matter how tense things could sometimes get, it was always because they all mattered to each other so much and there was never any doubt in his mind that they would be there for him whenever he needed them. There was also Abby, who might have walked out on him, but was also proof that he could have a stable and committed relationship once he dedicated himself to one. Then Maddie came back into his life and it was like a piece of himself had been returned to him the very first time they hugged again. For the most meaningful of his childhood and teenage years, he couldn't imagine a world without her, until Doug forced that reality on both of them. She was his first family, for the biggest part of his life his only family, and the world simply made more sense when she was there.

And lastly, there were Eddie and Christopher. It was easy to see how Buck was taken with the boy instantaneously, though how the bond with his father was forged is still a bit of a mystery. Because honestly, Buck hated that man at first, but within less than one shift, not only had Eddie turned into his best friend, the guy started becoming his latest family. Maybe it was because Buck wasn't used to having things done for him, while Eddie right away opened up his heart, his home and his son's life to Buck. Nothing made him feel more accomplished, more... worthy, really, than to know that he had this devoted father's trust with Chris.

And if he fell in love with Eddie a little along the way and couldn't act on it, Buck didn't mind. It just made the man's trust more precious, his friendship and the inclusivity he extended more fulfilling. 

All of this was a lot to lose and, despite Buck's daredevil ways in the field, he was certain he was only taking the risks he could afford to. Because he wasn't as prepared to die and hurt all the people who truly loved him now.

It's a weird day when Evan has to take back over. Be willing to die again. Not just to walk into a dangerous situation, like Buck often does... no, to know he's not likely gonna walk out of it. But there is no other choice. Their time is running out.

Of course, it wasn't Evan who had been sitting in the passenger's seat alongside Eddie, chatting and laughing on the way to Christopher's school earlier that day. Buck was there and in good spirits, looking forward to their planned afternoon at an aquarium. It wasn't unusual for him and Eddie to pick up Chris, get lunch and spend the rest of the day together at some recreational activity. This time didn't seem any different, until they were already inside the school and a couple of bangs were heard.

Buck was familiar with those noises. Not as well as Eddie, but those were definitely gunshots.

A second, maybe a second and a half, and the alarm went off.

"Shooter alert," Mr. Minear called out from inside his classroom, echoed by other teachers in nearby rooms, and the kids all followed what was clearly drilled into them, as if they had been training to get into the Navy SEALs, too. All along the corridor, doors were being closed, lights were being turned off and there were the noises of students taking cover under desks.

No such luck for Buck and Eddie, who were meeting Chris in the hallway by the door when the first shot was heard. No luck for them at all, in fact, as the shooter came rounding the closest corner. 

Eddie, who was hugging his son, had just enough time to grab Chris and throw them both into Mr. Minear's lab before its door was closed and locked by the teacher. Buck, stood a few steps away from them, watched and realized he had his own choice to make.

The shooter's trajectory is clear from his first few steps. He's headed precisely for the lab, which in addition to being the closest to him, has a huge glass window. His hand is up and rising a little. If he gets near enough, he will shoot. Buck can intercept him frontally, but if this devolves into wrestling the gun away from the shooter, there's no way to guarantee he won't be able to fire off before he's subdued.

All the while, he's aware there's a broom closet door a few steps back and on the other side of the hallway from the lab, offering the possibility to take cover there.

So Buck decides. And the old Evan takes over. 

He doesn't have a SEAL or LAFD uniform. He has no bullet proof vest like during the first call he worked solely with Eddie. Nothing's protecting him, not even a mental armor, because he has to strip even that away as he raises his arms in a gesture of surrender to lessen the likelihood of the shooter firing due to fright. Buck consciously slumps his shoulders. He takes one step towards the assailant, then stops.

The lab glass window to the side is so big, it's almost like the thing is alive and staring at Buck. He shouldn't, but his need to know how Eddie and Chris are doing is quicker than his logical mind's objections. They're not exactly in his line of sight, except his eyes are so used to finding them in a crowd that Buck spots them immediately.

Christopher is hiding under a desk, tucked into his father's lap for maximal protection. While Eddie... Eddie's staring back at Buck, honing in on him immediately with eyes that are wide and frozen in a soundless shout.

This is the look Buck caught for a moment on the day of Shannon's accident, like Eddie's entire being was screaming, 'no,' and the world was whispering back, 'not your call.'

Buck isn't sure what else their exchanged gazes tell. Only that his and Eddie's continue to be locked on each other and would hold forever if only that were a possibility.

The way that Buck loves these two. The sacrifices he would make to keep them both from any hurt. And the horror of realizing that no matter what he does now, he only gets to choose to save them from physical harm. The emotional pain, when he doesn't come back... but they'd be alive. There will be others to help and comfort them. That's reason enough. And at least Buck knows now that he's willing to die, but not in the same way as before. Evan was prepared to lay down his life in the blink of an eye because he didn't have anything to lose, while Buck can say the same, precisely because he does.

He turns his head back towards the shooter. "I'm right here, man," Buck says in his most docile tone. "You can take me as your hostage, you don't need anyone else. I won't fight."

Which is intentionally assumptive. There's no reason to believe this man is looking for a hostage and has any intention of negotiating with anyone for his release. Quite the opposite, probably. Bank robbers, for example, want to make it out alive. Not shooters on school grounds. Ironically, that's their commonality at this moment.

Because Buck isn't expecting to be taken hostage. He's ready to be shot. That's okay, he's buying the police time and keeping the shooter's attention away from the lab until those forces arrive on the scene. He breathes in deep as he sees the gun rising and the barrel of it staring right at him.

Right at him.

Something clicks, residual training from his SEAL days, and Buck remembers that this gun fires with a slight ballistic deviation upwards. To correct for this, whoever's using it has to aim the gun lower than their intended target. But this man has both hands on it to squeeze the trigger, indicating he's not very skilled in shooting it. If Buck is getting this right, there's a chance. Slim, stupid chance, but he'll take it. He's already bending his knees a little, not enough to make it immediately noticeable, and then he hears the shot fired. He jerks back and falls to the ground, eyes rolling back to a close. 

Was he shot or not? He can't feel anything, but he's heard the stories about how the rush of adrenaline masks everything when there's a single gunshot wound, so he can't trust his sensations to tell him whether he's hurt or not.

All the better, since he's not done. It doesn't matter if he's been hit, he feigned an injury in the hope that the shooter will come closer to check up on him and Buck will stick by that plan whatever happened. He has to stay alert and, despite his closed eyes, attentive. 

There's the sound of nearing steps and he can tell the distance between them is being closed until the shooter is right there, by his side. The man stops and he must be bending down, if the rustle of cloth is anything to go by, which Buck has to believe that it is or his next moves will end badly.

He opens his eyes abruptly while turning his head straight in the direction of where the shooter's head should be, Buck's arms already moving. He's not too far off and only has to adjust his motion a little when his cupped palms slam over the man's ears forcefully, creating a momentary internal vacuum that should throw off his balance system. It works and the shooter reacts with a cry and an attempt to grab the sides of his head, though his gun is still held surely in his hand. It gives Buck a long enough pause to more accurately aim his next jab at the attacker's nose from below. The crack noise that follows is drowned out right away by a wail of pain and finally, the shooter drops his gun. 

Buck picks it up, rises on his feet and aims the gun at the man sobbing messily on the ground, his finger ready on the trigger. "I won't miss," he promises. "And you are going to turn yourself in when the police arrive."

Which doesn't take long. Less than twenty seconds pass before the first of the sirens can be heard approaching and soon enough, Buck is aware there are men and women storming in through the main school entrance and spreading throughout the building. When someone enters the hallway he's in, he lets go of the trigger and raises his hands up again.

"I have the shooter here!" One policeman yells to those following him as he takes in the scene. "Put the gun down!" he shouts at Buck, raising a gun and pointing it at him.

For the second time that day, he's with his hands in the air, accepting whatever fate decides on. He'll try and cooperate, but it only now strikes him what the scene comes across as. There's no telling how this cop's misinterpretation of it might end.

"He's not the shooter!" Another voice calls out. 

Buck's eyes snap over. Of course it's Eddie, stupidly coming out of the lab before the situation is fully contained. It's so dumb and wrong and upsetting... and Buck doesn't think he's ever loved this man more than he does now, as much as he also wants to tell Eddie off for this.

"I'm a firefighter and a dad to one of the students here, please listen. This isn't the shooter. This is the guy who stopped him!"

"Who are you exactly?" the policeman asks suspiciously, but despite that, Buck notices his hold on the gun is a little less tense.

"I'm Eddie Diaz. I'm a firefighter with the LAFD, I'm Christopher Diaz's dad, he goes to school here, and I'm also friends with police Sergeant Athena Grant. Please, you can radio her and verify all this. The man on the floor is your shooter."

Another policewoman, who Buck hadn't noticed before, comes from behind her colleague with a tablet in her hands she was tapping on. "There is a Christopher Diaz here," she confirms.

Buck inhales deeply, trying to take in as much oxygen as he possibly can. He looks down at himself. He's almost positive that if there are no traces of blood anywhere, no point where he can tell his clothes have been torn by a bullet, that he's physically fine. And Eddie is standing up for him. He can make it through this, finally put Evan's conviction that death would easily find him to rest forever.

"Can I please crouch down, put the gun on the floor and slide it over to you?" Buck speaks, feeling like he'll be heard now when asking this.

The policeman considers it and instructs him, "Slowly."

It's nerve wracking to do it, but at least it doesn't take long before it's over and as Buck stands back up, he hears Eddie again. "Thank you. Can I please grab my boyfriend for a second and take him into this lab here, before you question him? Our son will want to see he's okay."

The policeman eyes him with the same air of suspicion as before, but his firearm is being put away and he nods. "Don't leave the scene before you've all been debriefed," he adds, before turning to the shooter, who's still on the ground, holding his nose and whimpering.

"Your boyfriend?" Buck whispers quietly as he lets Eddie manhandle him away from the cops and towards the lab door, "When did I become your boyfriend?" Alright, maybe he's enjoying repeating that before Eddie's excuse to get Buck away from the cops evaporates.

"If you're going to be suicidally stupid," Eddie replies with an annoyed whisper, fixing him with a stern gaze, "I think it's about time we stop with the pretense, don't you?"

Buck swallows. Eddie's hands are so much softer than his impending rejection. It's so good to be held by them after this ordeal. "I don't think you get to be angry with me over that when you basically did the same dumb shit as me, coming out into the hallway before the shooter was arrested," Buck answers, because he truly is a moron who doesn't know when to at least shut up.

Eddie raises an eyebrow. "Yeah, I guess we both have some confessing to do," he states simply.

Except it's impossible to own up to anything when the whole world is suddenly spinning with the rush of what he thinks he's hearing. Buck isn't collapsing, not exactly, but he's not holding himself up either. Instead, Eddie's got him in an encircling grip. 

"I love you so much," Buck lets slip, because he shouldn't feel so safe right now, when the whole thing isn't quite over yet, but he does. Eddie's hands, gentle around him, make all the difference.

And just like the sun's rays are never more golden than when they break from between stormy clouds, so Eddie's smile has never appeared truer. "I love you, too. Idiot."

He kisses Buck tenderly, a peck on the lips, nothing more. But where his mouth touched, something burns and can only be put out with more kissing. Fingers interlace with fingers and before Buck knows it, they're connected again, more passionately now, lips and souls, losing any sense of boundaries. It's new and at the same time familiar, a soft and daring touch they've never had before, which feels like an extension of all the things they have done. The kiss only deepens and grows, until the policewoman from earlier coughs by their side. 

"We'll have to bring you in for questioning soon. I suggest you see to your son before that?"

"Yes, ma'am," Buck replies, grinning, because he can't contain it. Eddie's kiss is hovering on his lips as they exchange smiles and enter the lab and the rest of their lives together, precious and palpable already, breaking down any divides still left between Buck and Evan. He's one man, with everything to lose and everything to live for.

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to send me feedback, prompts, questions, anything at [my Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/)! And thank you in advance for any kudos, comments, etc. It's all so very appreciated! <33333


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